TellTale Clippers
by The Dust Bunnyz
Summary: Seiya's version of Tell-Tale Heart. What happens when Seiya dislikes a certain flaw of Mamoru's? Poor Mamoru & Seiya!
1. Part 1

Tell-Tale Clippers  
by Eikyu & Mizuno  
  
Authors' notes:  
This is Seiya's version of Tell-Tale Heart with a little er...  
twist. To say the least, this was not started in much of a   
"yay Mamoru" sorta mood. I understand he's a cool character,   
we just thought Seiya deserved a chance. It's just for fun,  
so please don't kill me Mamoru fans. You can kill Mizuno if ya   
want, but good luck finding her. *^ ^*  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I looked at my present roommate. Dear odango had  
to go and try and take care of Mizuno-san, who was ill. Perfect.   
Now, we were here, just I and him. A tingling sensation moved up   
my spine as we stood there in the deafening silence, which he soon   
broke."So, looks like it`s just the two of us, ne?" I just stood  
there and analyzed him from head to toe, leaving his remark adrift   
in the crisp evening air.  
  
They said I was crazy for moving in, with him being there,  
but they did not understand the genius of it all; it was perfect,  
my plan. I was going to get rid of that giant nose forever!   
Every time he, Mamoru-san, would look at me, all I could ever  
see was that wretched nose, but I would not let him stain my  
perfect vision with that monstrosity any longer!   
  
I was going to kill the muffin man! Er..Mamoru-san.  
  
What is that? NOT ORIGINAL!? Ha Ha! Listen insolence.  
I was going to kill Mamoru-san, yes...with a pair of toe-nail   
clippers!!! Still not original?  
  
Yes, everynight I would creep into his room and creak  
open the door until I could fit my curl-covered head in. Then  
I would silently transform and point at what I thought was his  
head with the star yell and whisper, "Star Serious Laser!" and  
a thin, weak beam would shoot up his nostril and when he snored  
the beam was sucked in.  
  
After an hour of painful standing, I retreated back to  
my room and stared at my posters of Lina Inverse and Mr. Spoon  
until dawn came. I then bravely strided into his room into   
his room and shouted, "Superman!" and he jumped up, rubbing  
his evil, so very EVIL, nose.  
  
I smiled at him with pure innocence while I cooked   
breakfast. I was the perfect idiot until that night, where  
I repeated the procedure. I call it, the "Laser Project."  
  
This went on until suddenly, when I was feeding my  
"power" into his left nostril, I slipped and fell in the door  
and the laser was cut off. Mamoru sat up quickly, "Who`s there?"  
he called out in cheap dubbed english. I tried to stifle a giggle  
but it slipped and he groaned in terror...or hunger, I couldn`t tell.  
tell. He stood up and felt around the dark room. I felt his  
foot along my back. I screamed when I realized this. He flicked  
on the light. Caught!  
  
"Seiya!"  
  
"No," I shouted, "You prepare to die, big nose!" He seemed  
confused. I held up my gloved hand along with a pair of toe-nail  
clippers and shouted, "Star Fighter Killer Clippers!" I threw the   
clippers at him but they bounced off his head. "Aww..!" He groaned.  
I laughted insanely and shouted, "Feel the wrath of Sailor Star   
Fighter! Star Serious LASER!!"  
  
The huge beam that flew at him reacted with the small beams  
I had been feeding in his nose before it had actually hit him.  
  
This great surge of energy caused one thing. Poof. Mamoru  
exploded and his few remaining cinders flew out an open window. For  
a moment I stood in shock at what I had done.  
  
"Oh, god!" I screeched, "Oh, dear Buhhta! I'm gonna die! No...  
I'm gonna get arrested THEN die!! GAH!"  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
That's all right now, folks. Kinda pointless, but at least fun to right ^^;;  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Disclaimer: We do not claim any rights to Sailor Moon. That is the strict  
property of Naoko Takeuchi, Toei, Kodansha, and the other companies involved.  
Neither do we claim the Lina Inverse from Slayers. She belongs to, er...  
whoever she belongs to. We also do not own Tell-Tale Heart. 


	2. Part 2

Tell-Tale Clippers (Part 2)  
By Mizuno with Eikyu as feature writer  
  
Bla bla! Mizuno made me do this! Ya ya! Ok!  
*ahem* "Mizuno is a wonderful, authoring goddess   
with superb writing talents and-" - -;; Ok...  
let's skip a few pages here.. *flips over about   
75 pages* Er... *flips over 40 more pages* Oh, forget  
it! What Mizuno wanted me to tell the world was,  
listen closely to this, THIS ISN'T MY STORY!!! Yes, I helped  
her write it, edited it, typed it, posted it, all that.  
But I believe people think that since it was *my* account   
started, it was all *my* idea. I helped, but it's Mizuno's  
plot. I merely helped an internet-less person. *sigh*   
Thank you. Oh, and to clarify, I didn't help her write  
the second half down there. Yeah.  
  
-Eikyu  
  
PART 2  
  
I created so much ruckus, that our neighbors, Lina Inverse,  
Mr. Spoon (sound familiar?), and, er.. Haruka... rushed to   
see what the commotion was. I breathed deeply precisely  
145 times, then answered the door. I was acting totally   
innocent.  
  
"Nooo problem here." I assured them, then, as they turned to  
go, I pulled them all in. (Except Mr. Spoon, who slipped through  
and ran to Mrs. Knife and Mr. Clippers, who was missing! But that  
my friends, is a different story-or is it?!) I wanted to prove  
I was perfectly innocent so I led them around the house.  
  
"So, where's Mamoru?" Haruka asked. So Sly.   
  
"With Usagi," I said indifferently. Even though it was not true,  
it could have been and I smiled evilly. He would never touch again,  
unless he somehow turned into a knat and followed her. Hey, Taiki  
did it to me once.  
  
"No, he's not," Usagi was there! Mizuno was better, I guessed.  
(Or maybe moondusted?)   
  
I gasped, "An affair!" I cried, and tried to land gracefully on the  
bed where Mamoru had been. Instead, I hit a chair, table, bed, sink,  
vase, and finally, after a window, the floor. Well, the fall worked  
out better than the last time... I suddenly realized something had  
poked my booty, so I plucked it out with an, "Oh! Ow! Mommy!"  
(So Manly..)  
  
It was Mr. Clippers!  
  
I screamed! He was talking to me through his gnarled pincers!  
  
"What's wrong?!" the others shouted.  
  
I flung Mr. Clippers away, sobbing. "Trouble me no more!" I yelled  
and Haruka kicked me...hard. "What the hell is your problem?!"  
  
A lock of hair, raven black, was discovered on the pincers. Usagi sniffed  
it. "Mamo-chan!!" She yelled, then fainted gracefully on the bed.  
I hate her, I think.  
  
"It was the big nose's fault!" I screeched.  
  
But Haruka shut me up quickly when she put the clippers on my head.  
They began nibbling on my gorgeous hair. I screamed, did ballet,  
everything I could think of, but Mr. Clippers just nibbled away.  
  
And this ends the tail... er... tale, with a dead Mamoru, a coma-  
stricken Usagi, a bald Seiya, and Haruka... well, Harkua was  
and will always be Haruka.  
  
AMEN  
  
Disclaimer:Sailor Moon and all related characters are property   
of Toei, Kodansha, Naoko Takeuchi, and all other companies  
involved. Lina Inverse belongs to someone, and Tell-Tale Heart  
belongs to a different someone. 


End file.
